A Better Way to be Small?

 

If you’ve attended a Christian church for any length of time, there’s a strong chance you’ve been asked to join a small group.  Whether it’s a group for young singles, or men vs. women or seniors who like to go walking or young mothers, most churches have a group for everyone. 

Having grown up outside of the church for the most part other than Sunday services, this concept was relatively foreign to me up until a few years ago.  The idea that there are church events, outside of the church services etc. that are only for specific groups is still somewhat uncomfortable to me. 

Logistically it makes sense, wives go one night, husbands go another so that there are no issues with child care.  In this system, sometimes there is an age dynamic that allows for true learning but often there’s an echo chamber of similar people with similar experiences.

Full disclosure.  I’ve never been one who craved a “boy’s night” or going out with the boys.  Of course, it has happened and I’ve had a good time but if it hasn’t happened in six months, I don’t crave it. 

Realistically, when it comes to the locker room talk and hanging with the guys, it’s never been my thing and often makes me feel uncomfortable.  I’m not saying this to appear more “woke” or more sensitive but its just who I am and as I look back I think it’s how I’ve always been.

Perhaps this is why when I came into the church setting, I was never super drawn to hanging with the guys.  Don’t get me wrong, when I’ve got the opportunity to sit and chat with people individually, I’m all in.  The group thing however has taken a lot more time for me and I’m still not fully there always.

As a result of this, I begin to question whether it’s me or whether it’s the system.  Why do we need specific groups for men vs. women?

I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever said anything in a men’s group that I haven’t or wouldn’t say to my wife.  I’ve also sat in on women’s ministry special events and found that their conversations were similar to ours. 

So why the divide?

I can’t believe that it’s simply logistics. 

How is there a genuine belief that the role of a man and the role of a woman in a church family are that different that we need to separate them?  Why do we think that single and married are so different?  How in 2021 do we still ascribe to these things and let them happen?

Personally, I think the church would be much further ahead if it were to organize diverse groups of 8-10 people to get together around a table to talk. 

Why not have someone who’s been with the congregation for 30 years sit with the new single guy who came in off the street a couple weeks back. 

The new parents with the recent empty nesters.

The widowed father with the senior lady who’s battling health issues. 

In these conversations people could truly learn.  They could learn about life and faith and how others are doing both. 

They won’t necessarily learn about how to be a “God Guy” or a proper “biblical woman” but they’ll learn how faith has helped people through tough times.  They’ll learn about people. 

Through the intentional act of sitting with the “other” even within our own churches, I think we could all learn and become just a little more like Jesus.  Last time I checked, that was kind of the goal.