Who are you really?

I’ve often heard it asked at the beginning of interviews:  Who are you, what makes you tick, what should people know about you?  I love this question because it introduces me to people I may not have heard of previously or teaches me something new about them.  I’ve often wondered how I would answer this same question because over the years, who I am tends to vary depending on who is asking. 

How often do you get to truly be yourself?  Only behind closed doors?  Only at work?  Somewhere in between?  How many of you would say that you are 100% yourself when you’re at church?  Is the you in your church setting closer to who you are?  Or is that person more evident in in the workplace or on the weekend with friends?

For myself, I would say that much like most things in life, this is not a case of Either/Or, it’s a case of Both/And. 

When I started back into church about 5 years ago, I was in sales role in the trades and it was incredibly white and male.  As a result, Work Mike as I call him, was a no-nonsense, results oriented, crude individual.  I made misogynistic and racist jokes and I cursed a lot.  I also found myself gravitating towards individuals that acted in the same way.

I felt very strongly that Church Mike, if I was going to do this, had to be a different man.  Church Mike needs to be attentive, open-minded and reserved, because that’s what church is about right?  Church Mike needed to watch his language and not be selfish.

Oddly enough, I think that a career in sales up to that point is what helped me to do this.  Whether you’re talking to an apprentice buying his first set of tools, a small business owner who’s name and business means everything to him or to a CFO who only cares about the numbers on the major energy project you’re proposing, you must have the ability to relate to everyone you deal with and be able to speak on the level they want to speak on. 

I was good at this and I’d built a career around it.  But when it came to the church world, I felt like I was navigating new waters.  I felt as though others were looking at me as someone to save and this led to some interesting internal dialogue most weeks. 

I better be on my best behaviour or they won’t want me back. 

Make sure the kids are being good…don’t raise your voice at them.

No cursing or stories.  Don’t let them know about who you really are.

Only the good ones come to church, the ones that have it figured out.

This means a lot to your wife, and the kids seem to like it here, just try.

This was quite the internal struggle off the start and if I’m being honest, as much as I felt like I was being judged and watched, I was doing the same.  I was judging how some were worshipping, and some were singing.  How some would jump up to greet people while others hung back.  I was judging everyone around me in the exact way that I didn’t want to be judged.  I didn’t like this version of me that much.

Over the years though, I’ve come to know and love these people.  They’ve become extended family and I’d go to hell and back for them and their families.  Getting to know them and their story has taught me that growing up in the church is no better or worse than finding faith at 35…it’s just different. 

This isn’t the point where I tell you that I made a life changing decision to be different; it was a gradual change over time but I’m becoming happier where I’m at.

Church Mike, Work Mike and Home Mike are moving toward becoming the same guy.  Church Mike has loosened up a bit, Work Mike has cleaned up a bit and Home Mike is trying to be more understanding.

I’ve started to see these differences not as alternate personalities but as variations.  I don’t collect much but I’m a hat guy and the right hat can make a look even better.  I’ve started to see the varying versions of myself as just putting on a different hat.  Still the same guy underneath, just tweaked a little to make it applicable to the situation. 

At this point, if you’ve got a Simple Minds album or you’re a fan of The Breakfast Club, it would be a good time to put it on. 

I’m working toward not being a man of many faces and having people that are close to me see that transition daily.  I know who I am inside. I’m a man, a father, a husband, an attentive employee, a goofball, a sensitive guy, a Christian, a blogger now I guess and a loyal friend.  I am all of those things rolled into one large package and each one influences the other.  I may change hats many times, but that doesn’t change who I am and who I am becoming.  Does that answer your question?

Sincerely yours,

The Constructing Christian