I'm Back...Maybe...Sort of...

 

I’m not sure if I can actually say that I’m back to be honest. 

It’s been over a year since I last wrote to you all.  If you’re interested in some of the previous work feel free to do a search above. 

This blog has been a way for me to express my thoughts and beliefs and doubts over the past half decade, and I appreciate you all being along for the ride.

The last year and a half has been a roller coaster for sure and life has thrown many curveballs but I’m not sure that I found any solace in faith during that time.  Prayers went unanswered and there were no hymns or scripture that helped.

As you read that, it reads like someone who has left the church completely and to be honest, for a while, I did leave the organized church. 

With that being said, where prayers for healing or help with certain situations went unanswered, community did show up.  Where no scripture or hymns would help, memes and conversation did. 

There are many in the faith community that would say that church isn’t supposed to just be a social club.  You’re there to connect with God, not joke and have conversations.  To those people, I politely say, I don’t care.

The community that has come from my church is something I value much more than any sermon I’ve ever heard.  The people who have shown up on our darkest days either to help or just be there are more important to me than any book I’ve ever read (yes, even that one).

I still can’t subscribe entirely to even the “core” beliefs of my church and I will continue to challenge them.  Part of me feels that I shouldn’t be taking up space there if I’m only there to push against.  I shouldn’t even go to church if I can’t agree with these “fundamental truths”. 

But a bigger part of me feels like it doesn’t matter.  The message of Jesus wasn’t about fundamental truths; it was about treating each other well.  It was about helping people when they’re down.  I’m no biblical scholar but I don’t think it was about right and wrong and a list of rules but rather a way to live and experience life with each other.

I don’t know if this is going to continue as something I pick up again to process not only my immediate world but also the greater world around me.  So, in that sense, I guess I can’t say if I’m back here yet either. 

I do know that I will continue to question and sometimes write and hopefully provide you with some insight or entertainment along the way.